On Saturday, Liz and I got the last of the “essentials” before baby comes along. We ended up getting things that I never thought I would purchase or have never purchased before, including a shower cap (which I actually tired out this morning!), a sieve (they just always seem to be around!) and some Colgate Plax Mouthwash (buy on get one free – ohhh yeah!)
It is with the Colgate Plax that I take particular issue with. On the back there is blurb about “fighting plaque” and “keeping cavities healthy”… the usual, the stuff that store brand 3 litre bottles for 50 pence also say. On said packaging there was a call to use it before you go to bed and wake up “feeling great”…
In my mind I pictured* waking up, rolling over and smooching my wife with amazing minty freshness - with her amazed face certain it was kissing a cool breeze- and getting along with the day feeling so great that I even forgot to brush. Turning up to church and people literally turning their heads and chasing after me to say one thing: "I've never smelt such minty goodness extruding from one's mouth before.What on earth do you use?"
When I woke up, it smelt like something had died in my mouth. Seriously. My feelings of grandeur were immediately expelled and I let my wife lay in ignorant peace for another few hours.
You lied to me, Colgate. You lied.
*I have no minds eye, and therefore cannot conceivably “picture” anything in my mind. When I read Harry Potter I imagine my old secondary school because I know the layout and don’t need to picture anything
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